I met with my therapist today. Every once in a while, she says something that really rubs me the wrong way. Today, she pointed out that the program for the particular book I’m reading (“Dare” – a program to help alleviate panic attacks & anxiety) is not working. I disagree as I felt it has helped me immensely, but it’s not going to be an overnight change. It’s a process. It irritated me that she’d put such thoughts into my head because I’m vulnerable to being influenced, especially by negative thoughts, and I definitely felt like “it’s not working” is a negative thought. One I didn’t even have to begin with but it felt like she was planting this idea into my head. I have PLENTY of other negative thoughts without her adding to the pile. Well, I defended the program and asserted myself because I didn’t want to give into this idea or allow it to even remain as a possibility. I want to remain strong in my faith that it is working, because frankly, it IS working! Her intention was to simply say that there are other pieces she feel are missing from the program, such as loving kindness meditation / practicing compassion, that I should be doing as well. She hasn’t even read the Dare book, so she wouldn’t know whether there are elements of loving kindness or practicing compassion within the program. It’s an assumption she’s making. It bothers me that I’d need to teach my own therapist about how to not make assumptions. It comes off as judgmental, and it reads to me that unless she’s the one discovering the particular program/practice, she doesn’t fully believe in it or feel it is complete/whole. After reading most of the book myself, I realize there is SO much information, that I’d need to read it a few more times to really implement all the ideas in the book, so honestly, I can’t even remember if this is a part of the program, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I went back and after reading it again, discovered a chapter that focuses on compassion for self and others. It’s probably just labeled or presented in a different way. She is really focused on yoga and meditation and always seems to want to attach to the way the yoga community presents things instead of being able to see the same idea presented in many different ways as the same idea. It strikes me as closed-minded. Not an energy I want during my journey to healing. I’m glad today was our last session and that I’ll be starting a new program next week with a CBT group. I look forward to moving past individual therapy and start seeing this from a more communal perspective. I think this format will especially help me see things from a more compassionate viewpoint.